Brad and the Sad Clown Painting

It’s a special episode this week with special guest Brad who joins the boys to talk robots, poor nutrition, pockets and a sad clown painting.  Brad wasn’t feeling well, but he showed up for free burgers and a chance to see Ty’s shining visage in person.  The professor is the co-host of the Below the Belt Podcast on the Blowout Podcast network, award winning historian, NPR guest and the author of Arredondo: Last Spanish Ruler of Texas and Northeastern New Spain

To get things going, Gustav mourns the social media death of Clay from Partial Recall.  RIP Clay.  Brad explains how he carries around a laser pointer.  See if you are as confused as the boys are.  That leads Ty to ask about pocket habits and where each of the guys store their wallets, keys, phones and assorted items.

There’s some Sam Elliott talk which then leads to Nick Offerman talk and the greatness of Ron Swanson.

Ty then offers up a hypothetical based on the movie “Passenger”.  It didn’t take long for the wheels to go off the rails in this discussion.  Brad loves Brokeback Mountain, but the guys have never seen it, but they take Brad’s word for it.  The concept of a robosexual relationship while on space ship is bandied about.

Gus had just heard the most recent episode of Brad’s Below the Belt podcast and he is fascinated by the lack of knowledge about medicines by both Brad and Ryan.  That leads to fever talk and some scary nutritional practices by Brad, including him eating soup for breakfast.

Then Gus unveils a special gift of a sad clown painting for Heavy.

sad clown painting

Longmires’ Hate Sad Clown Paintings


There is a discussion about Family Ties and Tina Yothers.  Not really sure how that happened.  Then Brad tells a story about a celebrity interaction on Twitter.  Ty tries valiantly to make a Sade joke.

The boys turn to emails.  Eduardo has an update to the frequent topic of trough urinals.  Gus reminds everyone about the episode of Tell Me Where to Turn where Glen tells his Devil’s Bowl Speedway story. Brad tries haiku.

Gus makes a stand as a cessati0nist and talks about his run in with painting of Jesus laughing.

Then an email from listener Steve wraps things up.

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Juicin’ Hard

This week is a short episode due to some technical issues, but there is plenty of fun as the guys talk old movie theaters, juicin’ hard and other nonsense.

To get the ball rolling we engage in more talk about Heavy’s dad and his habits which transitions into a discussion about watching habits and how they have changed over the years.  Heavy tells us about how he watched the classic Paul Newman Jackie Gleason film “The Hustler” on Netflix (not to be confused by the landmark skin mag published by Larry Flynt).

Ty and Gustav notice Heavy is looking thinner so he shares his new philosophy of “Juicin’ Hard”.  This may catch on globally so you heard it here first.

fruits and vegetables to juice

Be like Heavy and Juice Hard

Once again the boys talk about their childhood movie theater and how magically decrepit it was.  Then they plead with the audience for help to find the lost Coca Cola movie theater advertisement about “Traveling down a dusty road, going to meet a friend.  Down at the movies, that’s where it all begins.”  No one can find it and hardly anyone remembers it except your favorite educated hillbillies.

Heavy comes up with new business ideas which short of winning the lottery will be total failures. Ty talks about time traveling Beatles and Gus discusses a Stephen Still lost demo tape that was found and released as “Roll Tape”.   Somehow that brings about fond memories of the Freedom Rock commercial back in the eighties and nineties.

Gus offers a reward for the missing Coke commercial, but he will not honor Ty and Heavy’s additional offers of a reward with his money.

Sorry it’s a short episode, but sometimes things get messed up when you have free labor.

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Nightcaps, Porky’s and Outdoor Magazines

All three of the crew are back for this week’s NSFW conversation that covers old-timey nightcaps, the 80’s classic Porky’s and Gustav’s questionable taste in outdoor magazines.

The boys start off with a little post Christmas clean up talk but soon wander into the story of how Mrs. Gustav did something to lead Gustav into being, as he put it, “not opposed to nightcaps.”  This leads then to a discussion about current eighties movies on Netflix, Ty’s love of Vision Quest starring Matthew Modine and Linda Fiorentino, and The Man with One Red Shoe, starring Tom Hanks and the greatness of Dabney Coleman.

Gustav then pulls out a copy of one of his favorite outdoors magazines and shares this issues’s table of contents, many of which with questionable interest to anyone other than Gustav and Heavy.  Heavy and Gus then discuss other magazines related to self-sufficiency, homesteading and general 903 interests.

Then attention turns to George DiGionni’s nut kicking display and Gustav recounts the Polynesian’s dad being in a nut kicking contest back in the late sixties.  Ty then recalls his odd drive-thru experience and may have just coined the term “frotterist” This leads to frottage, scissoring and tribbing talk with some odd hand gestures that the listener will just have to figure out for themselves.

If you like stories about the stuff Gustav’s kids say, you are in luck because he has two incidents for you this week.  Heavy has some questionable recollections about Old Testamant scripture and later denies any knowledge of the “popcorn trick”.

porky's eighties movie kim cattrall

Eighties Kids Remember the Hotness of Kim Cattrall in Porky’s

They circle back to eighties movies with a discussion about Porky’s, the hotness of Kim Cattrall and how Porky’s 2 helped Ty in a tough time.  To finish off, they respond to an email from one of Gustav’s former work wives.

You can email us your fond memories of Porky’s, frotterism or nightcaps to

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The Tale of the Running Beaver (Updated)

The crew is back to normal this week with a tale of a running beaver, email, old shirt talk, and examples of Monteblanc bullshitting being a genetic trait.  After two fairly serious and intellectual episodes, we returned to our natural style of aimless rambling.  This episode is sponsored by KJ of Partial Recall fame. Right out of the gate the gentlemen fire off some old man opinions about flip flops.

Gustav keeps the momentum going by telling how his sons are carrying on the fine tradition of talking about things they have no clue about and failing at telling jokes.  Heavy then recalls what it was like to be around a young Gustav and tells the unfortunate tale of when he listened to Gustav about the constellation of Subaru (not the crunchy granola car company).

Cody sends us an email which at first is dark but opens up the question of what do you call a group of hobos?  A murder of hobos, a herd of hobos, a harem of hobos?  I wish we knew.  Then he asks us about non-native species encountered in North Texas.  It may surprise you, but Heavy has a lot to say about this.  This leads to big cat (cougar, puma, mountain lion, sabertooth, etc.) and then ultimately Heavy’s running beaver story. Much to the dismay of Gustav, Heavy is now updating his classic tale of the running beaver.

giant beaver can you hear me

Watch Out for Those Big Running Beavers

They then somehow get onto old shirt talk, bedding talk and go off on a Richard Gere tangent.  It’s hard to keep track of how these things go from point A to point B.  In response to Cody’s email, Heavy talks about old cartoons from World War II where we first heard of gremlins and got some very adult level messages due to wartime propaganda in the form of a cartoon.

Email us your beaver stories to or tweet at us @realgustav @tywebb3000 @longmireheavy or @canyouhearmepod.  Also you can find us on Reddit, Facebook, Pinterest, Tumblr and Instagram.

Thirty Seconds of Fury

It’s a shame, but due to the brown drink, over 30 minutes of stories which the phrase “thirty seconds of fury” originated in had to be edited out to protect the guilty.  But there is still plenty of nonsense and listener emails to make it worth your while.

At the start, Gustav is feeling nostalgic for the days of the early eighties when watching music videos out in the country meant having to wait for Friday Night Videos to come on or to catch a syndicated video show hosted by Bo and Jim from Q102, now KZPS.  There was no cable out in the country, so no MTV, unless you were one of the lucky ones with a giant satellite dish out in the yard and some sort of probably illegal decoder on top of your Zenith or Quasar fake wood paneled tv set.

The great Austin finally sent us in an email and he asks who would we cast to play ourselves in the inevitable blockbuster feature film adaptation of the Can You Hear Me podcast. Please email or tweet us who you would like to see portray your favorite educated hillbillies on the silver screen.  Austin also shares with us a wonderfully weird artifact from the sixties called “Communism, Hypnotism, and the Beatles” by David E. Noebel.  We weren’t aware that the three were related.  It sounds more like a Can You Hear Me episode title instead of an actual book.

the beatles, communism, hypnotims, cold war sixties

Communism, Hypnotism and the Beatles by David E. Noebel

Long time good time West Texas Travis sends us an email that disturbs all three members.  Then JJ warms our hearts with a tale of fisticuffs as he stands up to some Houston punks.  We also lay the foundation for our upcoming William F. Buckley Jr. episode so be sure to do your homework and watch “Best of Enemies” on Netflix to learn the background of the Gore Vidal and William F. Buckley debates during the 1968 presidential election.

As always, please email us your stories, questions or observations to


Mourning Gene Wilder, Baloney, and a MacBeth Joke

The boys are back in Episode 33 to mourn Gene Wilder, answer listener emails,  talk about baloney and deal with a very unfortunate MacBeth joke.  Don’t say we didn’t warn you.

This week finds the crew in good spirits, even though Heavy tries to sink the thing with a bad Ronnie Milsap joke straight out of the chute.  A tweet from long time listener/field correspondent causes Gustav to wax poetic about Hunter S. Thompson’s lawyer in Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas.  This leads to a discussion about the author and some of his works.

Gustav then shares how the loss of Gene Wilder really affected Mrs. Gustav.  The boys are all fans of Wilder’s work, so they spend a few minutes recounting some of his legacy and their fondness of him.

Then they tackle listener emails.  Gustav must rephrase his way through a mine field of loaded words while reading the sordid tale sent to us by one of our listeners working on an advanced degree.  Said listener almost redeems himself with a wonderful MacBeth joke, but the guys are too far gone into old man mode and they spend the next few minutes warning him of all the things that soap and water can’t wash off.

gene wilder as willy wonka

Next up, an email from crowd favorite yet Machine hated Crandyman asks the boys about baloney (or bologna for you high society folks with all your fancy talking).  It may surprise you that Heavy has some very specific thoughts and beliefs regarding this round mystery meat.

They then wrap it up with a couple of emails from lady listeners.  One gal is curious about who it’s okay to think about during your special alone time .  The other wants to know how to figure out if your friends are something more than boring vanilla types and how to let your partner know you are down for some more advanced activities (nudge nudge, wink wink).  Surprisingly, they guys somehow give some fairly mature advice.

If you have thoughts, complaints, stories, or general nonsense to share, please email us at

Turn Down Service and Talkies

In this week’s episode, the crew can’t stay on topic and wanders on a myriad of subjects such as theology, pornography, turn down service at fancy hotels and prominent filmmakers.

This episode was recorded after the podcast meet up at a local Pancho’s Mexican food buffet and at least one of the group was more full of hot air than normal.  Straight out of the gate, the matter of gaseous etiquette is a hot topic which leads to the idea of a dedicated bathroom to carry out the most foul of fouls.  And it may be impossible for this podcast to discuss the bathroom without weighing in on the eternal debate over which direction the toilet paper should be placed on the toilet paper holder.

Gustav points out that the hotels he stays at always arrange the roll in a specific direction.  As he talks hotels, he looks back fondly on odd things he has found left behind in hotel rooms which the housekeepers failed to find.  Talk of housekeepers then leads to the question whether or not turn down service is even needed in these modern times.

Frequent contributor the Fake Bailey Jay emailed the group to verify a fact about Gustav and to provide an insane suggestion.  Her suggestion then leads to a listing of things that are instant punch outs if they are noted in any type of erotic material.

Going from the proverbial ditch to the moral high ground, the team ponders whether our DNA predisposes us to spirituality and to seek a greater meaning.  Such a philosophical topic then leads to the idea that comparative theology might make the world a better place, if people understood what one another believed and why they believe what they believe.

coen brothers blood simple m emmet walsh

The Great M. Emmet Walsh in Blood Simple

Then Gustav remembers that Ty made a reference to Joel and Ethan Coen’s first film “Blood Simple” starring M. Emmet Walsh, Francis McDormand and Dan Hedaya.  The three then discuss their love for the Coen Brothers movies as well as Wes Anderson films such as “The Royal Tenenbaums”.  There is a bit of confusion between the movie “Blood Simple” and the Flannery O’Conner novel “Wise Blood”,which was also made into a film starring Brad Dourif and directed by the great John Huston.