The Tale of Honey Mellons

Ty and Gus are back this week to answer listener Twitter questions, wax poetic ad talk about an exotic dancer named Honey Mellons.  Despite their best efforts and lighting numerous signal fires with the hope of luring him home, Heavy Longmire is still hiding somewhere in the wilderness.  Perhaps some day he will return.  But until that day comes, you are stuck with Ty and Gustav who truly do love you.

Ty starts off telling a story from his misspent youth in a honky tonk.  Cody sends a tweet about love that causes the boys to reflect on first loves.  Cody follows up with a tweet that makes Ty tell about the time he got lost in East Texas.  Gus revisits stumbling on a compound and then once again they touch base on the Satanic scare of the late eighties/early nineties.

The boys love all things related to eighties television so they spend an inordinate amount of time talking about the first episode of Fantasy Island, the parallel between Mr. Roarke and the Old Testament Jehova, and Roddy McDowell’s guest appearances as the devil.  And once again, they talk about their crush on Erin Grey from Buck Rogers.

The man from Baltimore proposes a conundrum involving John Wayne, Wilford Brimley and Marty Robbins which will certainly have Pretty Little Ranch Wife firing off a strongly worded email in weeks to come.  Gus gets far too excited about the Statler Brothers and their appearance on the Marty Robbins show back in the seventies.

Gus talks about how he’s been watching the Santa Clarita Diet on Netflix and how Timothy Olyphant’s character reminds him a lot of one Ty Webb.

former exotic dancer and model Honey Mellons

Another Dabney Coleman mention occurs for anyone keeping score at home and Rusty asks about nipples. Gus has been thinking about nipples on the way to record, so he has some thoughts on the subject.  Then he tells the story of how an exotic dancer named Honey Mellons made everyone who worked at his grocery store lose their minds one chilly night in Lubbock in 1993.

So send us your emails about nipples, the time you saw Honey Mellons at the grocery store or which actor you think looks like Ty  to canyouhearmepod@gmail.com

 

Follow us on Twitter @canyouhearmepod @realgustav @tywebb3000 @longmireheavy

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Curly Bill

Once again, Ty and Gustav are without the one and only Heavy Longmire, but they somehow manage to appreciate art, talk about Curly Bill and much much more.

As we continue into our second month without Heavy, Gustav makes a stand against kids with Mohawks while Ty for some reason makes a stand against one of the show’s nicest listeners.   Gus objects but they finally come to an agreement on kids with rat tails.

If you remember the episode with the sad creepy clown painting, you know that Gustav loves “art”.  He unveils a new painting he has discovered and discusses the work of Ernesto Blume.  Ernesto painted a portrait of Powers Boothe as Curly Bill from Tombstone.  Gustav maps out his plan for further collaboration with Ernesto Blume and Can You Hear Me listeners.

powers boothe curly bill ernesto blume

Ernesto Blume’s Portrait of Curly Bill

With Curly Bill looking down on Ty and Gus, they talk about the impact of Powers Boothe’s career on the CYHM collective psyche. Boothe starred in classics such as Deadwood, Frailty, Southern Comfort, Deadwood, and much more.  One of his most powerful roles was as Jim Jones.  While Ty seeks further refreshment, Gus recaps the story of Jim Jones and the Jonestown tragedy.

Ty fondly recalls Sports Illustrated swimsuit issues for a bit.  Then they discuss the problematic nature of the “back room” at small town video stores.  That somehow leads Ty to tell his stories about a couple of near misses with local law enforcement during the early nineties in the 903.

So send us your emails about Powers Boothe, running from the law or Heavy Longmire spottings  to canyouhearmepod@gmai

l.com

Be sure to listen to listen to Gustav’s guest appearance on Megan’s Movie Podcast on the Blowout Podcast Network where he and Megan talk about Tombstone.

And listen to Brad each week on his own podcast Below the Belt

Follow us on Twitter @canyouhearmepod @realgustav @tywebb3000 @longmireheavy

Find us on Tumblr and Instagram @canyouhearmepod

Professor Brad – Off the Grid

This week is the much anticipated second part of the award winning face to face interview with Professor Brad where more twitter questions are answered, crazy theories are explored and Brad lays out his plan for off the grid living.

As you remember from the first part of this interview, Ty was away and the late great Heavy Longmire is lost on the prairie for all we know. But Professor Brad was kind enough to join Gustav for pseudo-intellectual mumbo jumbo.  This episode picks up with more questions submitted by our faithful listeners via Twitter, including hypotheticals (we hope) over what someone would do for a year’s supply of food or for someone’s latest book to make it to the top of  the New York Times bestseller list.

Once the Twitter questions were done, the conversation turns to submarine talk with more hypermasculinity talk as well as a couple of apochryphal stories that may or may not be true.

marfa texas off the gridFor a while, Brad had been wanting to talk to Gustav about the logistics of going off the grid.  Brad has his eyes set on the rugged scenery around Marfa, Texas.  So far Brad has a plan and a materials list, but Gus does his best to shoot holes in Brad’s dream, the way that a slightly inebriated uncle can ruin Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy and a belief in fiat currency.  Gus talks a bit about his dalliance with solar power in the past and some problems that he sees with living the off the grid lifestyle in Texas.

For some reason Brad then changes the conversation to Climate Change (probably to get Gustav wound up).  The two of them then dive into talk of ice ages, pre-Columbian environmental pollution, Terrence McKenna’s theory that magic mushrooms caused the development of language, fracking earthquakes and wondering whatever happened to the hole in the ozone layer and acid rain.

So send us your emails about living in a half buried shipping container, climate change, or the first dirty joke you told your dad to canyouhearmepod@gmail.com

And listen to Brad each week on his own podcast Below the Belt

Follow us on Twitter @canyouhearmepod @realgustav @tywebb3000 @longmireheavy

Find us on Tumblr and Instagram @canyouhearmepod

 

 

Professor Brad – Mexico’s George Washington

Have you ever heard of Mexico’s George Washington?  Listen to this first part of a two part special series where Gustav sits down with everyone’s favorite historian, Professor Brad and maybe you will figure out what he means.  Sadly Ty and Heavy seem to have abandoned the podcast, so Gustav begged Brad to join him for what was initially going to be an hour of scholarly talk.  But lucky for the listener, the scholarly mumbo jumbo is augmented by the meandering and confusing rabbit trails that you have come to expect from Gustav and his enabler Brad.

Brad starts the ball rolling with a tale of his Uncle Doobie and a hitchhiker, which fits nicely with the recent hitchhiking episode Ty and Gus did a few weeks ago.  Gustav dabbles with psychoanalyzing Brad’s bad tooth pick up line, but abandons that thread for several questions that loyal listeners and fans of Brad sent in via Twitter:

  1. Cody asks about breakfast soup
  2.  Aaron inquires about Texas secession boundaries
  3.  Ginsburg asks about other books Brad would want to write
  4.  Trey wants to know who the villains of  World War I were
  5.  Tell wonders if Brad is just luring him to buy his book by telling him he is descended from great men of New Spain

As you can imagine, these questions lead Gus and Brad down a myriad of dead ends, rabbit holes and erroneous statements.  Somewhere along the way Brad talks about a failed comic book idea, Gustav struggles for the name of space flight pioneer Wernher von Braun, Brad teaches us that Augustine de Iturbide was Mexico’s George Washington and all other kinds of useless information.

Augustine de Iturbide - Mexico's George Washington

So send us your emails about changing historic perspectives, Werner von Braun, or breakfast soup to canyouhearmepod@gmail.com

Be sure to listen to listen to Gustav’s guest appearance on Megan’s Movie Podcast on the Blowout Podcast Network where he and Megan talk about Tombstone.

And listen to Brad each week on his own podcast Below the Belt

Follow us on Twitter @canyouhearmepod @realgustav @tywebb3000 @longmireheavy

Find us on Tumblr and Instagram @canyouhearmepod

Short Version of David Koresh

Once again Ty and Gustav are without Heavy, so they discuss raising kids, answer emails and how one of them looked like David Koresh in 1993.  We apologize for Heavy’s absence, but just imagine how joyful his homecoming will be!

Being parents, Ty and Gus find themselves having to deal with other parents.  Gus asks what do you do if you like the fellow parent, but don’t like their kid. That leads to a discussion about the over-videoing parents today, which prompts Barbershop talk once again which somehow leads to the subject of Green Stamps, which everyone collected and redeemed back in the 60’s and 70’s.

The guys return to the earlier topic of college jobs and Ty remembers how he worked laying water pipe (not a euphemism) one summer with our high school chemistry teacher.

An email from good dude and long time listener Valley Butcher brings about David Koresh and Branch Davidian talk.  Naturally what starts off as a serious discussion about a tragedy of is subverted by a side story about a gravy drinking contest and how one of them looked like a short version of David Koresh during the stand-off.

david koresh in court with mini-14

Can we prove that Gustav isn’t really David Koresh????

Gustav climbs on his libertarian soapbox for a bit to talk about the Davidians, the MOVE debacle in Philadelphia, and the Ruby Ridge fiasco.  But that only lasts for a short bit before Ty distracts him with hot dog talk.

They regain focus and talk about other historic moments in their youth like the Challenger, the U.S. Marine base bombing in Beirut and the O.J. Simpson chase.

Friend of the show Conner sends a thought provoking email about the future of masculinity, which brings them back on track and they circle back to the raising of kids and the seeming devaluation of masculinity in our society at the moment.

So send us your emails about  raising kids, what you can put on a hot dog or any cult leaders you used to look like to canyouhearmepod@gmail.com

Be sure to listen to listen to Gustav’s guest appearance on Megan’s Movie Podcast on the Blowout Podcast Network where he and Megan talk about Tombstone.

Follow us on Twitter @canyouhearmepod @realgustav @tywebb3000 @longmireheavy

Find us on Tumblr and Instagram @canyouhearmepod

The Tale of the Melted Fork

While Heavy Longmire is still out trapping muskrat, Ty and Gus got together to talk old game shows, share a story about a melted fork, kick around some hardware ideas and do a little dentist talk.

Ty starts things off with a story about the former child actor, his jeep, a college cop, and some shade tree mechanics.  The shade tree mechanics lead Gus back to another co-worker from the previous episode’s stories about their first job.

Gus wonders about the species of grass which may contain the same chemical that is in vanilla and shows that he knows way too much about Hierochloe oderata.  The vanilla talk leads the boys down a path back to a vague and ultimately incorrect memory about an episode of Family Ties where someone drinks vanilla extract for the alcohol.  Gus and Ty are dead wrong on which character it was.  Be sure to listen to the outro to see if you can identify the very famous voice who actually did drink the vanilla extract.

Recently Gus went to get his teeth cleaned and had a really bad time while on nitrous oxide.  Ty then drops a bomb shell on Gus which leaves Gus worried about how long Ty has left on this earth.

melted fork

Oops……

Then Gus tells Ty about a trip to his parents where he saw his brother and how one thing led to another and then there was a smoker, a melted fork and some cussing.  That led to his brother doing some bourbon fueled welding to “fix” the melted fork.

melted fork rebuilt

We have the technology to rebuild him…

Ty shares the story of his grandmother on famous game show.  Once again they then dive into game show talk and fondly remember the Price is Right and the Gong Show.  Then they geek out over Tom Snyder and Joe Franklin for a while.

So send us your emails about  game shows, bad trips and crap you’ve melted to canyouhearmepod@gmail.com

Be sure to listen to listen to Gustav’s guest appearance on Megan’s Movie Podcast on the Blowout Podcast Network where he and Megan talk about Tombstone.

Follow us on Twitter @canyouhearmepod @realgustav @tywebb3000 @longmireheavy

Find us on Tumblr and Instagram @canyouhearmepod

 

 

Ty and Gus’s Summer Job

Episode 67 finds Ty and Gus without Heavy so they spend the evening talking about homemade tattoos, their old summer job, Val Kilmer and assorted other nonsense.

On a recent trip back to the hometown, Gus took his kids on a tour of the town where he correlated everything to My Name is Earl.  Talking about the old places, gets Ty and Gus on the subject of homemade tattoos of their co-workers from their summer job.  The old summer job had a lot of characters and it left a long term mark on the guys.

summer job

Ty taking a break from working back in 1992

Ty talks hauling hay which leads to talk about the King of the County (at least back then).

Gus reveals how finding something from 20 years ago shows how he got fat.

The guys grew up in a time of hazing and swats and recall how much things have changed over the years.

A listener in Germany identifies where some of the recent spike in foreign listeners have come from.  But we still want to hear from anyone else that is listening outside of the borders of Texas.

In a week or two Gus will be guesting on Megan’s Movie Podcast.  Ty wants to make sure Gus represents the career of Val Kilmer appropriately and gives credit where credit is due.  That leads to some discussion about the cast of Real Genius and plastic surgery.   Somehow that leads to circumcision talk, yet again.

Gus and Mrs. Gus stumbled onto Adult Swim’s Black Jesus and it’s not bad but not great.

And we put out the call for a video tape copy of Heavy’s high school senior play because we really want to see Heavy singing and dancing.

So send us your emails about summer jobs, bad tattoos and hazing tales to canyouhearmepod@gmail.com

Check out Megan’s Movie Podcast

Follow us on Twitter @canyouhearmepod @realgustav @tywebb3000 @longmireheavy

Find us on Tumblr and Instagram @canyouhearmepod

 

Three Wide in a S-10

This week the guys talk about recent acts they’ve seen, carnivals, hitchhiking, a harrowing tale of being three wide in a S-10, Cheers and Michael Keaton.

Gustav starts off the episode with a field report about the Steve Martin and Martin Short show he recently saw, as well as comparing and contrasting it to the John Cleese and Eric Idle show from earlier in the year.  Heavy talks about his anniversary date to go see the Drive-by-Truckers at the Granada with a stop to see Chef Rob before the show.

The boy’s lament missing the Old 97’s Country Fair this year with a hint of remorse about last year’s County Fair and the lost episode.  Ty tells about his most recent use of Craig’s List to unload tickets to the Fortress Festival.

Fair talk leads to carnival talk as the guys remember winning roach clips and age inappropriate mirrors from the carnies.  Gus tells a freak show story and recalls being stuck when a ride broke. The ever present theme of the freedom and inherent danger of a kids life in the eighties presents itself once again.

three wide s-10 ad

Don’t Find Yourself Three Wide in a S-10

Heavy tells the story of a little traveling Mexican Circus he took his family too after church one day.  The traveling life opens the question of taking an RV across the country.  RV travel naturally leads to talk of train hopping and former railroad man Pappy Longmire.  Ty has a great story of how his friends in college hopped a train and ended up in a very uncomfortable situation and found themselves three wide in a S-10 pickup.  That story leads to more hitchhiking talk including a tale of Point Break Dave from Tell Me Where to Turn Podcast fame.

Ty and Gus engage in Michael Keaton talk with a focus on Night Shift, Mr. Mom and Birdman.  Heavy can’t help himself and makes a Gung-Ho joke in hopes of derailing the conversation.  While remembering the eighties, the guys talk MASH and Cheers.

Gus is dying to talk about Beyond the Valley of the Dolls but has to explain to Heavy who Russ Meyer was so that goes nowhere.  Ty has an idea for a premium content episode about Three’s Company.

So send us your emails of carnies, hitchhiking and your own three wide tales to canyouhearmepod@gmail.com

Join us on our sub-reddit for Can You Hear Me

Follow us on Twitter @canyouhearmepod @realgustav @tywebb3000 @longmireheavy

Find us on Tumblr and Instagram @canyouhearmepod

 

Foreign Listeners

The Can You Hear Me boys are back with a mish mash of mustache talk, a mystery, thoughts on the S-Town podcast, Gustav’s report on foreign listeners and emails from the faithful.

To get things going Gustav reveals a mystery that he has encountered recently.  Heavy and Ty do their best to get to the bottom of problem.

Then they discuss the wildly popular S-Town podcast and how close to home it feels to the 903 area code, where the guys were born and raised.  They also discuss some of the problems that they identified with the podcast.

gene shalit on today show with tom brokaw

Somehow they get onto mustache talk, partly brought on by a recent spell of Gene Shalit jokes.  Gene was the mustachioed film critic for NBC’s Today show for years and not0rious for bad pun

foreign listeners can you hear me

Vintage Japanese Radio Ad promoting Can You Hear Me?

s and sometimes questionable reviews.

Long time listener Fake Bailey Jay has a couple of emails chastising Gustav for possible inaccuracies and omissions.

Touching back on the previous misogynistic discussion about female singers of the seventies and eighties, Gustav brings up one the sisters from Heart and Ty ties it all back to the mountain climber game on the Price is Right.

 

Gustav has an interesting report on a recent upsurge in foreign listeners of Can You Hear Me.  The new hotbeds for Can You Hear Me downloads outside the U.S. are Japan and Germany.  Heavy has a theory why but Gus just wants to know who these people are and why they listen to the ramblings of educated hillbillies.

They also have a new female listener who sends in a t-shirt idea and is currently trying to make her way through the entire back catalog of episodes.

So send us your emails telling us where you are listening from and how you found out about us to canyouhearmepod@gmail.com

Join us on our sub-reddit for Can You Hear Me

Follow us on Twitter @canyouhearmepod @realgustav @tywebb3000 @longmireheavy

Find us on Tumblr and Instagram @canyouhearmepod

Brad and the Sad Clown Painting

It’s a special episode this week with special guest Brad who joins the boys to talk robots, poor nutrition, pockets and a sad clown painting.  Brad wasn’t feeling well, but he showed up for free burgers and a chance to see Ty’s shining visage in person.  The professor is the co-host of the Below the Belt Podcast on the Blowout Podcast network, award winning historian, NPR guest and the author of Arredondo: Last Spanish Ruler of Texas and Northeastern New Spain

To get things going, Gustav mourns the social media death of Clay from Partial Recall.  RIP Clay.  Brad explains how he carries around a laser pointer.  See if you are as confused as the boys are.  That leads Ty to ask about pocket habits and where each of the guys store their wallets, keys, phones and assorted items.

There’s some Sam Elliott talk which then leads to Nick Offerman talk and the greatness of Ron Swanson.

Ty then offers up a hypothetical based on the movie “Passenger”.  It didn’t take long for the wheels to go off the rails in this discussion.  Brad loves Brokeback Mountain, but the guys have never seen it, but they take Brad’s word for it.  The concept of a robosexual relationship while on space ship is bandied about.

Gus had just heard the most recent episode of Brad’s Below the Belt podcast and he is fascinated by the lack of knowledge about medicines by both Brad and Ryan.  That leads to fever talk and some scary nutritional practices by Brad, including him eating soup for breakfast.

Then Gus unveils a special gift of a sad clown painting for Heavy.

sad clown painting

Longmires’ Hate Sad Clown Paintings

 

There is a discussion about Family Ties and Tina Yothers.  Not really sure how that happened.  Then Brad tells a story about a celebrity interaction on Twitter.  Ty tries valiantly to make a Sade joke.

The boys turn to emails.  Eduardo has an update to the frequent topic of trough urinals.  Gus reminds everyone about the episode of Tell Me Where to Turn where Glen tells his Devil’s Bowl Speedway story. Brad tries haiku.

Gus makes a stand as a cessati0nist and talks about his run in with painting of Jesus laughing.

Then an email from listener Steve wraps things up.

Email us your reports about pockets and clowns or anything else you want to share to canyouhearmepod@gmail.com

Join us on our sub-reddit for Can You Hear Me

Follow us on Twitter @canyouhearmepod @realgustav @tywebb3000 @longmireheavy

Find us on Tumblr and Instagram @canyouhearmepod